In wich I feed Guinevere to the Great Dragon
by Jack'n'Jules
Summary: !bit crack/mostly humor/Merthur slash! Guinevere is the only thing getting in the way - for simple everything! A reminder of the way she actually blew up everything and is constantly getting in the way of our very favourite romance.


_So__, first thing to say, this has nothing to do with 'Dirty little secret' or any other Merlin fics to come, but is dedicated to __**MirrorFlower and DarkWind**__ who put the idea into my head._

_Second, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm a Guinevere hater, no matter which version of the legend, she's evil in person (ok, that not in every version…but still)._

_Third and last thing, hurray for the Great Slash Dragon and 'destiny' and 'two sides of the same coin'. He's my hero._

_Takes place – uh,__ nowhere really, but I guess it's after season one, because it's before all this Arthur/Gwen stuff happened. Merthur for live._

_Oh yes, I almost forgot. If I made any really bad grammar mistakes, please have mercy, I'm from Germany._

**Disclaimer:** Everything belongs to BBC (yeah, as if you don't know that)

**Warnings:** Slash (as usual) and a bit Crack

**In which I feed Guinevere to the Great Dragon**

– Or how it was supposed to go–

It was a really, really beautiful day in Camelot, but the one person in the castle, who actually cared, couldn't enjoy it.

That is, for once, it was not because Merlin had so much work to do. He was just standing next to the training field, waiting, watching Arthur fight and sometimes handing him a weapon or some water.

But that was exactly the problem. When normally he would blink up to the sky, admiring its perfect blue, he was now doomed to stare at the fighting prince, who looked just that gorgeous in chainmail, like the idiot said prince claimed he was.

Not that he was complaining, really. Arthur in chainmail, while sword fighting, was a sight only topped by the shirtless Arthur he got to see on a regular basis.

But it would be nice, if he could just get over this – thing – he had for the prince. He had called it crush, but this just didn't work out. After all they had been through, it was something deeper something that had more to do with caring and less with the way Arthur looked like. Merlin knew exactly what it was, but he didn't dare to call it that.

But in moments like this, when Arthur came over and smiled like _this_, having that little glint of kindness and care in his eyes, Merlin just couldn't help, but love him, like the fool he obviously was.

In addition, the voice of the dragon still rang in his ears. "_Arthur is your destiny…you're two sides of the same coin…that your and Arthur's path lies together is but the truth._" At least that explained a lot.

"So, what do you think?" Arthur asked.

"Honestly? I don't get why you make me waste my time here, you don't need that training." Merlin answered, trying very hard to make it sound like a complaint.

"That was a compliment, wasn't it?" Yeah, that worked out well. "Anyway you won't have to waste your time anymore; I have a meeting with my father to attend to. You can take the day of, just make sure my armor is clean tomorrow and get me dinner tonight, alright?"

Merlin smiled. "Yes, sire, thank you."

He just made it halfway through the court, when a familiar voice in his head started to call out his name.

_Not now…_

_Yes. Right now!_

Merlin, already slightly annoyed, let out a growl of frustration and began his way to the dungeons.

"I hope this is important." He said, before the dragon could only open his mouth. "Because this is my first free afternoon in ages and I still got an armor to polish so don't waste my time."

"It is important, young warlock." The dragon answered and Merlin could've sworn, he was grinning. Well, as much as a dragon could. "It's even more important to you, than to me. You see, it contains your love for the young Pendragon."

"My…there is no such thing. I don't love Arthur." Merlin said quickly. _Liar._ "He's a prat." He added half-heartily.

This time, the dragon actually laughed. "I can read your thoughts; did you already forget this again?"

"You never told me" Merlin pointed out.

"I can speak in your mind; it isn't that much of a miracle is it?"

Ok, that made sense.

"So, abut my…love. What is it then?"

"You're always so impatient, young warlock, always in a hurry. If you keep on like this, you will start new things before you finished the old and neither is gonna do well."

"Alright" Merlin said. "I get it, but will you please just tell me, what you propose I do?"

"Well, the problem is certainly none of you two."

"None of us…wait do you mean to say…?"

"I _mean_ to say nothing, young warlock, I say it. And if you keep on interrupting me, you'll keep on getting the wrong impression. I was about to point out, that your main problem is a certain maidservant, who'd like to be queen."

Gwen. His friend. And his rival.

As long as you look over the fact, that 'rival' implied yourself having a chance, that is.

Every servant in Camelot knew, that Gwen had romantic feelings for Arthur – and everyone considered this to be unbelievable romantic itself. Forbidden love and all that. But no one had commented on the way she practically flirted with everything that wore pants – especially Lancelot. Hell, Merlin himself had experienced her random choice of her current object of affection.

The only shining light was, that Arthur didn't even seem to notice her advances – quite similar to the way he managed to be completely ignorant for the admiration Merlin had towards him.

But who was he to cry over spilled milk?

"What am I supposed to do? I can't just throw her of some tower, can I?"

"No, that would be a very plump way to achieve our aim." The dragon shook his head.

"Excuse me?"

"You see, young warlock, there are not that much opportunities for us. If she manages to capture the heart of the prince, we won't only have to deal with a depressive and sad sorcerer, the consequences will be dreadful."

Merlin looked up, but this time didn't interrupt the dragon.

"You know her. And you've already seen her with that honor-lacking knight. When Arthur is king, Camelot's golden age will come and with it the time of the Knights of the Round Table – the greatest and strongest army the world has ever known. Only the best and noblest, as well as bravest knights will be allowed there. Yet, if Guinevere is going to be queen, she'll have an affair with Sir Lancelot, because of her simple inability to be a good wife and enjoy the fact that she's gonna have the best and most loving husband ever to be there. This will lead to the split of the Round Table and the downfall of Camelot. _Those who once loved each other like brothers will now be the death of each other._ Remember my words, young warlock. Remember my words."

_I would never betray him_ Merlin thought. _I would never bring downfall to something as wonderful as this. I would never leave him for Lancelot. I would do nothing but enjoy the fact that he loved me, if he only would._

The dragon let out a small laugh. "That of cause would be much better. But you only have the chance if we get the flirtatious maid out of the way, and of cause if you send someone else up with some good wine, before you bring Arthur his dinner."

"He doesn't want whine." Merlin replied automatically.

"Just do as I tell you, for god's sake."

"Yes, I almost forgot. So, you still haven't told me how to get rid of Gwen." Once he heard all this horrible things she was going to do, his last drop of sympathy was gone.

"Just make her come here. I'll take care of that."

Merlin decided not to think too much about the meaning of that. "So send Gwen over here, send some wine to the prince, then bring him his dinner and everything is gonna work out?"

"It's all _you_ have to do, young warlock. Leave everything else required to Arthur and me."

Better not think about that, too. It might lead to the fact that the dragon was going to…no!

"I suppose, I have no choice as always." Merlin didn't even wait for the answer and hurried to the kitchens.

As he'd expected, most of the servants, especially the personal ones were in the kitchens at the time, waiting for the dinners to be finished.

Merlin stopped a leaving boy on his way out. "Hey, do me a favor and drop this at the princes rooms for me, will you, he's in a foul mood today, but I got to wait for the food." He held out a bottle of wine.

The boy, a servant to a council member, frowned but then took it. "I got to deliver mine first" he said. "_And_ you owe me one."

Merlin grinned. "Of cause."

Point one: Success.

Guinevere was next.

Merlin made his way over to her. "Hey Gwen, I've got fantastic news" he said.

"Fantastic news?" Her attention was sure, as well as everyone else's of cause. The servants of Camelot were the greatest gossipers.

"Oh, yes, an old friend wants to meet you" he said in an implying tune. Some girl giggled. "You know those dungeons where no one ever goes?" And then he winked.

While grabbing Arthur's plate he saw everyone hovering over Gwen to ask her about this. She looked flushed and happy.

Point two: Success.

He took his time, going to Arthur's chambers, thinking what might have happened because of the wine, not really wanting to get his own hopes up.

When he finally managed to open the door, he started to ramble: "I'm sorry, if I'm late, sire, it's the kitchens, I swear."

To his surprise, Arthur was smiling. "Don't hurry, really, you could just stay there – it's the perfect point for you to stand."

Stunned, Merlin stood, waiting for any other orders, but none came.

The only thing he received was a really intense stare.

"Arthur, what's the point of this?"

"There is no point" Arthur simply stated. "It's just that this way, I can look at you. I begin to think that you're really beautiful."

Merlin felt his heart skipping a beat only to continue to beat twice as fast.

Ignoring that, he stated: "Well, I begin to think that you've really had enough."

He gestured towards the bottle. "How much have you drunk?"

Arthur laughed. "Nothing. Check the bottle, this is my first goblet and I didn't even nip."

Merlin put the plate down and narrowed his eyes. "So, you're not drunk?"

Arthur laughed even more. "I always knew you were a bit slow…but I can't say I don't like it."

"You will call me stupid again, but why was it, that you called me beautiful?"

He really wanted to figure everything out or he would die, simply because he wouldn't know.

"Well actually I wanted to _pretend_ that I was drunk, but it was a stupid idea. But now it's out and I got to say – I really like you, in _that_ way, I mean and I – hell, I'd let you run away now, if you want to and I beg you not to, because if you don't return my feelings, I'd never force you to do anything, no matter how often I could, because I really care and I _love_ you – and shit, did I really just say this all?"

Merlin felt as if he was going to faint. He blinked. He stared. He opened his mouth and closed it again.

"Please tell me, you're not playing with my feelings" he finally managed.

"Playing with your feelings?" Arthur repeated. "Why would I be…?"

Then something lit in his eyes. He almost ran around the table and took Merlin's face in his hands, cupping his cheeks.

Merlin leaned into the touch.

"Do you mean to say…?"

"I love you, too" Merlin whispered.

Arthur bit his lip, seemed to think and then_ kissed_ him and now Merlin thought he was really going to faint.

He didn't faint though; instead he exploded a thousand times.

That moment he was really enjoying the day. A beautiful day in Camelot.

This could be THE END of this story, but that would be boring. Because then, just as Merlin, we would never know what exactly happened to Guinevere that night.

She had a really noticeable conversation with the Great Dragon for once.

"You seem surprised to see me."

"I was expecting someone else."

"Yes, you will never appreciate what you got."

"I don't really know how to appreciate that I talk to a dragon."

The creature laughed. "This is exactly, why you'd make such a lousy queen. Come on, you can't even bear children."

"_How do you know that?_"

"Unimportant. Plus you're gonna be a traitor and this is why I must destroy you."

"Destroy me…?"

But Guinevere never finished this sentence because the dragon had already eaten her.

He got really sick after that, but don't worry, he recovered.

The other servants rumored about Guinevere running away with 'that Lancelot guy' and no one suspected a murder.

Arthur and Merlin lived a long life full of happiness.

The dragon had been right here, too. Arthur was the best lover ever to be there. He never married or had an affair with anyone – except for Merlin of cause. He was gentle and kind and let Merlin take all his time.

And so, thanks to the Great Dragon everyone got their happily ever after.

_I personally think this went really not very crack, but you decide.__ I was aiming for humor with a hint of crack and an influence of romance._

_Anyway I hope you all liked it, especially my inspiration to this, dear __**MirrorFlower and DarkWind**__._

_And one thing, did anyone notice how the dragon always calls Merlin 'young warlock' and it's a compliment and then he goes and calls Morgana 'the witch' and it's an insult? Is it just me or does anyone else consider this unfair?_


End file.
